2015 goals and other random thoughts

At the ringing in of the New Year, 2015 I made a silent goal of running 2015 miles.  I then realized that it was a little much and I was kidding myself.  So the goal once again became an ambiguous wishy washy one.  Years before I tried to run 1000 and I have always fallen short, 700 or so last year, 800 or so the year before.  I could never reach 1000.  This year after all the confetti was tossed, I said to myself I would try for 1000 again, especially with the marathons I’ll be running this year and I have two ultras, a 50K and a 24 hour race that I’m sure will push me past that hump.

I recently began taking a heated Vinyasa yoga class and it is hard for me.  I can’t get my balance right, I’m really uncoordinated…pigeon pose that one just feels funny like I’m doing it wrong…or is it half pigeon?  Eagle pose is challenging, I could never get my fingers and arms to twist in the right direction.  I really like it though!  I like the challenge and I like the mindfulness that takes place in the class.  Especially when the instructor says, “Let it go.”  How hard is that for most of us?  Particularly me who’s mind wanders.  I went to my first class a few weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon and then I went again on a Wednesday morning before work.  The class I went to on Friday was a 5:30 am class and that was great, however, mental note, I need to get to bed earlier if I’m going to attend that class.  By 1 in the afternoon I fell asleep.  Either way incorporating this yoga class has been a great addition to the New Year.

Additionally I have decided that I need more organization, it’s a work in progress.  I started small.  I began by keeping my hand written calendar up to date along with my work computer calendar.  I’ve done good so far.  Here we are in the 3rd week of January and I’ve written in it everyday.  Not to mention I’ve set up reminders on my phone.  Just making that change alone has relieved much unwanted stress.

Lastly in the Fall I applied to sit for my EPPP.  I got my letter on January 13th that I was approved to take my exam.  According to the letter I have 2 years from the date of it to schedule my exam.  The kicker is that my current job is under a CJD grant.  My supervisors have reapplied for another 3 years (I started in 2012) and the new application requires a licensed individual to have the position.  In other words I need to take my exam sooner than later.  I feel like I waited too long but it was a money thing.  The application to take the test is 190 dollars which my parents paid for thank God.  The Jurisprudence exam (ethics for the state of Texas) is another 200 dollars, and the EPPP is 600 dollars!  Not only am I studying for it which is overwhelming in an of itself but I have to come up with 800 dollars.  The jurisprudence is open book and quite frankly if you can’t pass it then you should not be in the mental health field.  The EPPP is like a one chance only for me.  If I fail then that’s it, I don’t have the money to take it again and I also won’t have a job.  My supervisors are confident that I’ll pass.  The passing score is a 350.  It’s a 4 hour exam and the last time I sat through one of those was in 2008 for the GRE which I took twice because I wasn’t happy with my score the first time (it didn’t make a difference).  That was a 300 dollar test plus a one night stay in a hotel in Eugene, OR as the test was at the University of Oregon, the closest place at the time from where I lived.

One last thing is I want to be better for my family.  I want to find a balance between all of these goals I have so that one thing doesn’t consume me and I neglect the others.  That’s the one thing that has been my downfall over the years.  I was a stay at home mom for a while before I started school and I managed it pretty well until I was allowing other people’s goals and achievements become  things I had to also achieve.  I was proving something to someone I just didn’t know who.  My self worth was based on my performance and the harder I tried the more I didn’t do well or perform.   I felt like I couldn’t keep up.  I had a difficult time with alot of different areas in my life.  Just recently I decided to forget everyone else and just do things I like to do.  The goals stated above are the goals I have for me.  Sure others influence me to want to challenge myself and do better but I am no longer trying to compete to keep up with others.  I want to be genuine in my encouragement of others and support them without feeling the desire or the urge to compete.  People say money is the root of all evil (I guess it is when you have it in my case don’t), but I will add envy.  You are never happy and you are constantly in a war with yourself and others.  I choose to let go of that.

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